Weekly Update - September 14, 2026
🥇 Can Someone Please Rub My Back
Not to start off the week by complaining (I will), but let me just say my next-level, video-game world-class hoarding? It. Hurts. I’m literally carrying too much and my back is killing me from all these godforsaken dragon bones and scales. Skyrim needs to add chiropractors to their DLC or something because it’s turning into the land of paralyzed bards. I’ve lost all concept of posture, thanks Todd. But please, I’m absolutely in knots, and I don’t have a foam roller in-game.
♾️ Duck-Sized Gods and God-Sized Ducks
I SMOTE A CHIMERA WITH A SKELETON GUN. Read that again. Skeleton. Gun. You are not safe. If I can put a skeleton in your gun, I can put a gun in your skeleton. How about a drumstick revolver round in that femur of yours? Oh, and I have a dog-sized duck familiar now. We are not the same.
And yes, this was during a D&D charity stream! IT’S CALLED ROLEPLAY, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Kaxsandra was an absolute force in that one-shot and to all my fans: if you think I’m gonna jump into “blissfully unaware kitten” stereotype to please you I really, really suggest you read the warning at the top again.
🔥 Fire in My Veins, And In Your Homes
Me and pyromancy are two (2) peas in a pod. It’s gotten to the point where I might start fires just for fun – be wary around your homes, you better hope you have insurance. Otherwise, I might have to “auction” off whatever I find in the ashes, and trust me when I say I know how to find value in even the most burnt of objects.
Even though I find myself “a little” guilty about some of my actions, I know I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do to survive. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just trying not to be the dog food.
🏠 Some People Were Built to Steal
Did you know stealing in Skyrim is actually not a crime if you’re hot enough? This seems to be a little-known fact, and one that has proved EXTREMELY useful to me in-game. It actually works in real-life too; a friend of mine (not going to name who) walked out of an electronics store with a PS6 and the staff didn’t bat an eyelid.
Chat, do you think I would get away with theft? I think I could wing it, but I need to build up the boldness first. Maybe there’s some sort of “steal training” program out there I could sign up for? I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means sitting through a hundred lectures about “theft is wrong” and “getting caught is bad.” Yeah, yeah, yeah - spare me the morality, teach me how to be a sneaky, sly fox and we’ll get along just fine.
🌻 War is Hell (and I’m fighting Zombies)
I’ve been valiantly defending my garden from waves of mindless undead onslaughts in Plants vs Zombies, and if I’m being honest? I’m not very good. I lost a few rounds and a few mowers, and have deeply regretful and melancholic thoughts about my precious sunflowers that have fallen. Maybe over the weekend I’ll host a mock funeral for them; “Row 4 Sunflower was the bravest of them all, we salute her contribution with a 21-gun potato mine salute”.
🦴 Bone Collection
I have been spending my time off stream dedicated to my bone collection - you would be amazed, shocked and a little disgusted at what I’ve been able to find (and feed). All species are welcome - rare, common & soon-to-be-extinct, as long as you’ve got a skeletal structure within you then I will take care of you. Not alive? Don’t worry, I’ve got ‘connections’ with a few liches to restore you back to your past glory, and you’ll be able to do a little jig in circles again! (God, how I love spinning around).
💓 YEAH YEAH YEAH SURE…
…I miss Evil, yeah whatever. What of it? I’m super cool, super stone-cold, super chill. Super-duper chill. I’m so chill I’m shivering - y’know the kind of teeth-chatter-shiver you get when you’re cold AND lonely? Not that I’m super lonely either. Just let me hold your hand!