Weekly Update - September 21, 2026
💁 I Call This One “Triggered The Mower”
I’ve been trying to have as much raw fun in PvZ, spamming my cards, and trying out different combos. Sometimes it works and sometimes I (frequently) lost levels for my trouble. My plants are at wits’ end and I’ve lost a few too many mowers and my garden is really up in shambles right now.
I got Chomper, and oh my god is he my favorite new plant! The way he devours zombies whole – AAAAAAAAA he is such a model creature!!! We stan Chomper.
This might be a controversial take but I think Cherry Bomb is overrated and I have a tendency to use it a bit too much. Any PvZ professionals (or cherries) in chat want to tell me what the meta is?
🍞 Hopper the Better
I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT BREAD FOR SO LONG. I just want a single piece. Please. PLEEEAAASE.
🔫 Shooting & Aiming High
Was playing Skyrim recently; as much as I like being a vampire, I’ve always wanted to buy a sniper for Christmas. Can you imagine me with an AWP, just camping at the top of Whiterun? Picking off guards left and right, raining chaos on the city - it’s what Christmas should be all about! Bet the guards would get sick of trying to find me, maybe it’d manifest in complaints across the city. “Please, someone stop that goddamn sniper”, everyone suddenly becomes a lot more polite. That’s a Christmas I’d like to see.
😭 Tragedy art thou name: Orphaned Sunflower
You find yourself walking in a field. The sunshine gently caresses your cheeks as you sway through the greenery, admiring the natural beauty that surrounds you. Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you spot it: a lone sunflower. She stands taller than the rest, beaming with pride and strength. As you move closer, something feels off… Her petals have started to wilt and her stem boasts ugly burn marks. Upon closer inspection, you realize she’s surrounded by… bite marks? You glance around, fear creeping in your chest as you notice a shadowy figure lurking just out of sight…
BAM! It’s me! (But I’m only loyal to the one sunflower; the others can die and rot for all I care.)
❄️ Frosty Scams
IN THIS WEEK’S NEWS: Companies have started to market “warm room socks” as an advanced form of heating for your house, and are charging RIDICULOUS markups for “advanced wool”. Don’t fall for this scam; if you do I’ll be forced to install air conditioning.
🔪 Silverware Shortage…
A few days ago I was eating a soup when my spoon bent in half. At first I thought this was some kind of freak natural occurrence as the Metalbending shark mafia has been at it for decades now. But then upon closer inspection, my cutlery was not silver-plated and made entirely out of old prison shanks. AND IT WASN’T EVEN MICROWAVE SAFE. The audacity of some people!
🔊 Dev Stream & Scheduled Explosions!
There’s a Dev Stream today! If y’all don’t tune in I will microwave all your cutlery.