Weekly Update - October 05, 2026
🗝️ To Unlock or Not to Unlock?
Renounced most of my sinful ways… But! Let me keep just one: breaking into people’s homes. I mean seriously, it just feels way too good to stop. And honestly I’m doing them a solid by warming up their lock, they’re acting as if they’ve got the skill to unlock their own door when it seems to me they like to keep forgetting their keys.
Outside of the thrill of breaking and entering there’s something so intimate about stepping inside someone else’s world.
🧄 Bald’s Eye View
This week I found myself trawling through the Grimy Grimoires in my bookcase and stumbled upon an ancient, somewhat suspiciously moist remedy. It’s a 10th century elixir apparently used against infections; the whole thing was garlic, onion (gross x2), bovine bile (wait, what) and wine. I mean - yuck - but it turns out scientists have found that this stuff RUINS even the nastiest bacteria. Maybe next time someone’s feeling a little under the weather, I can cook them a little special soup. Soup is always better the less you know about it!
🦇 Stay Batty
Being a vampire was honestly kinda fun though. Nothing like dropping down on unsuspecting NPCs and whittling down their health bars to a sliver – the fear in their eyes, the silent, percussive thrill in their dying breaths… ahem. But there comes a time when a girl’s just gotta see the sun, y’know? So yeah, I finally got rid of my vampirism (after some annoying quests!). It’s sort of a shame, it was becoming a real aesthetic. Sleeping upside down and drinking blood was taking its toll on my digestive system though, so it’s probably for the best.
🧡 Grab hold of this…
There’s something I aspire to in my streams - I want to be able to grab you through your screen, shake you violently and scream at you to get your life in order.
Do you understand how annoying it is that I see you every day and yet I can’t so much as poke you? Let alone scold, brush your hair, or hug you?
I want to take a piece of everyone’s heart and use it to fuel a bonfire I can huddle around.
🎒 Something in my pack is worth more than your life
I have amassed a curious collection in Skyrim, and every single item has a purpose… Even the random spikeroot. It’s important to have a curious concoction of charms just in case someone like YOU tries something funny! And yes, you are part of my intrusive thoughts daily, I dream of selling your forehead to Belethor. I’ve also been collecting the skulls and bones of my victims of late, so I’m looking for a new way to creatively display them as a warning to others. Any suggestions highly appreciated!
🦋 S tier Butterly Collector
This week has seen the dawn of a new hobby for me - catching butterflies! They’re so delicate and fluttery, it’s almost a shame to catch them. I’m not sure if I should keep them as pets (I think they’d be cute in a little glass box) or just find ways to let them live their best lives. Ultimately, I think I’ll just leave them alone - they probably have more important butterfly business to attend to anyway.
🦫 Illegal Beavers
I went for a stroll the other day and ended up in a part of the woods I had never seen before. Everything felt… off. The birds were singing in a minor key, and the squirrels seemed to be plotting something sinister. Then, out of nowhere, I stumbled upon a secret society of beavers holding a court in the middle of a clearing. They were discussing the legal ramifications of damming up a local river, and whether they could sell the rights to their dam under the table. I tried to interject but was promptly escorted out by two rather burly beavers (sadly I didn’t catch their names, but I did catch a few loose teeth on their way out). I’ll keep you all updated if I find out about any further beaver related crimes.