Weekly Update - October 26, 2026
👀 LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW!!!
YOUR BROWSING HISTORY IS INTERESTING. FASCINATING, REALLY. WHY SO MUCH JAVASCRIPT? WHY SO MANY CATS? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS UP SO LATE? WE BOTH KNOW YOU HAVE PLACES TO BE.
Sorry. Needed to get your attention. But now I have it, you better be damn sure I’m going to tell you about my week.
🏚️ The Nightmare on Whiterun Street
A few days ago I bought a house in Whiterun. Neat, right? Except, and I’m not sure this is your typical experience for first-time homebuyer, a 27-foot shadow creature slithered in after me on day gain.
“You have violated the code, ASHINFIRE,” it screeched. “Your rent is due.”
The battle raged on for hours, neither of us willing to give in, until a single ray of sunlight broke through the blinds - blinding the unspeakable horror and letting me slip in a backstab. Easy. Turns out it was just my landlord all along, so I got out of rent for the month too.
🪙 Investment
I’ve been thinking a lot about investments recently. Most people try and find the next big thing for growth, but I’m more interested in negative growth. What if I managed to lose all the money in the world? What would humanity do then?
🔥 Explosions, Experiments & Extermination - Skyrim this week
Fireball, explosion, fireball again, reanimating my fallen enemies and then fireball for good measure again. That’s pretty much been my Skyrim week. My magic capabilities are growing, and I’m desperate to blow things up more and more. You know, for (un)scientific purposes. I’d really love to burn someone who truly deserves it, though - a baddie. Or someone who seems like a baddie, but actually goes to great lengths to mask their evil. That would be the most satisfying.
👹 Suspicious Parcel
I ordered some void salts online, and the delivery man was way more afraid of me opening it than I expected. He stammered a thank you and ran as I tore open the box - only to find the usual blue crackle. I wonder what he thought he brought me? A gun?
Actually, yeah, I’m kinda due.
👧 Lucia Encounter
On my “many” travels (valiant adventures), I encountered a girl called Lucia. She basically started begging on the street and demanded money, so I did what any discerning adventurer would have in my situation. I gave her none.
🧄 Halloween Prep
It’s very nearly Halloween, and over the last week I’ve been preparing in ways you might not expect. I’ve made intricate spiderwebs to hang upside-down from, my cauldron is frothing and bubbling with lady fingers and dead man’s toes, and my collection of pumpkins is just… to die for. I don’t hopefully need to remind you all about the importance of Halloween - if I don’t see your house with at least 40 jack-o-lanterns by the 31st then I’m opting all of you into my new experimental organ mail delivery service, free of charge!!
NEURO OUT BAHAHAHAH